Ted Mosby Is a Jerk (From "How I Met Your Mother") - The Solids/Charlene Amoia.mp3

[00:00.000] 作词 : Carter Bays/Carl Maclaren/Craig Thomas/Charlene Amoia
[00:01.000] 作曲 : Carter Bays/Carl Maclaren/Craig Thomas/Charlene Amoia
[00:15.543] Hello, everyone
[00:17.767] I’d like to introduce myself
[00:20.196] I’m a girl who just got screwed over by a guy
[00:23.897] A guy named Ted Mosby
[00:26.212] Sure, he seemed nice at first
[00:28.875] But I found out soon enough
[00:30.995] Ted Mosby is a jerk
[00:33.840] A big, stupid jerk
[00:37.817] And I’m going to tell you all about it
[00:47.642] He treats you like a queen
[00:52.999] And then he treats you mean
[00:58.288] My friend, that’s how he works
[01:03.637] He gets inside your head
[01:08.913] I’m telling you that Ted
[01:14.601] Mosby is a jerk
[01:18.355] Ted Mosby is a jerk
[01:23.754] Ted Mosby is a jerk
[01:29.524] Ted Mosby is a jerk
[01:49.548] He seemed so great at first
[01:52.084] He’s an architect, a great dresser
[01:54.554] He smells really good
[01:56.906] I thought he was the answer to my prayers
[01:59.459] I was wrong
[02:00.932] Because my dream turned into a nightmare
[02:07.753] He says you’ll be his wife
[02:12.960] Then cuts you like a knife
[02:18.271] It drives a girl berserk
[02:23.648] And makes you want him dead
[02:29.116] I’m telling you that Ted
[02:34.607] Mosby is a jerk
[02:38.293] Ted Mosby is a jerk
[02:43.301] Ted Mosby is a jerk
[02:48.567] Ted Mosby is a jerk
[02:59.276] Are you happy, Ted Mosby
[03:02.418] Knowing the pain you’ve caused me?
[03:04.830] You ruined my life
[03:06.723] I thought we had something...
[03:08.672] I thought we had a future together
[03:10.536] I was wrong
[03:12.048] Because you’re a liar, Ted Mosby
[03:14.002] A cruel, evil liar
[03:17.137] I can’t believe I actually thought that we had something
[03:20.548] I even told my parents about you
[03:22.526] Yeah, I told them, “Mom, Dad, I met a really nice guy today
[03:26.989] I really think he’s something special.”
[03:29.141] But it was all just a cruel joke to you, wasn’t it, you jerk?
[03:32.768] I hate you so much with your stupid blond hair and your stupid suit
[03:39.201] I hope you fall down a manhole and die
[03:41.848] I hope you get run over by a steamroller
[03:44.523] I hope someone drops a piano on you from a really, really, really high building
[03:50.382] You make me sick — physically ill
[03:53.323] You’re evil, Ted Mosby
[03:55.344] And if I had one wish, just one chance to change something about the world
[04:00.285] It would be this
[04:01.167] That you were never born
[04:04.383] That there was never a Ted Mosby
[04:07.230] Do you hear me, Ted Mosby?
[04:09.851] I hate you. I hate you for what you’ve done
[04:13.092] And for what you will do
[04:14.354] And I’m going to make you pay
[04:15.811] Somehow, somewhere, someday
[04:18.712] You’re going to pay for what you’ve done
[04:20.877] I’m totally serious, Ted Mosby
[04:24.056] I hate you. I hate you so much
[04:27.346] I have this burning hatred for you inside of me
[04:30.960] I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can only hate
[04:35.438] And it’s all because of you
[04:37.081] It’s because…
[04:40.696] I miss you
[04:43.155] I miss … what we had together
[04:46.787] Please call me
[04:49.448] Please call me, Ted, please
[04:51.136] I’m sorry, it’ll be better this time
[04:56.324] It’ll be good. I’ll be good
[04:59.990] I won’t push you away like I did before
[05:17.673] I HATE YOU!!!!!
[05:23.327] I hate you… oh, God, I hate you, oh…
[05:38.784] make it stop…I’m sorry…Ted…Oh God, it hurts
[05:52.756] What we had was so good
[05:55.424] You know, It was something special
[05:58.193] It only comes around once in a lifetime
[06:00.759] You know, that’s why
[06:02.295] I just… I got to let you know that you and me
[06:05.928] We belong together and
[06:08.800] I know you can’t see it clearly right now
[06:11.204] But, you know, that’s why I’m here, you know, that
[06:14.960] Your clarity in the rough times
[06:18.515] Just take my word for it, Ted
[06:25.665] I do
[06:28.467] I will … forever
[06:32.072] Just me and you
[06:34.126] I’ve thought about our kids’ names
[06:37.135] I think we should have a lot of kids, like… ten
[06:41.665] Hopefully all girls. Well, I don’t know, maybe one boy for you, but… you know
[06:47.080] We can name him Ted Mosby
[06:48.810] Ted Mosby II or III or whatever you are, I don’t know
[06:53.618] I mean, you’ve got a great name: Ted Mosby
[06:57.726] I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that name
[07:00.082] Like over and over and over…
[07:01.847] “Ted Mosby, Ted Mosby.”
[07:04.720] I’ve written it all over my walls
[07:07.249] It’s really pretty! You should come over and look
[07:10.276] It’s like, “I should be a graffiti artist!”
[07:13.068] Oh my God. I’m so glad we got here because, you know
[07:17.093] I feel like I can be honest now, and … and…
[07:19.769] And I know we have a good relationship
[07:21.488] If I feel able to tell you anything that’s on my mind
[07:25.112] And … um… I love you. I do
[07:30.288] I love you. I … I love you, Ted Mosby
[07:35.364] And I have a little surprise for you:
[07:38.732] You… you love me, too!
[07:41.747] You do
[07:42.409] Maybe you don’t see it right now, but you do
[07:44.513] You… you love me. Because I’m your destiny
[07:48.641] And you’re my destiny. And we’re going to be together
[07:52.122] And we’re going to be happy, and that’s why this is so hard
[07:56.385] It’s… it’s infuriating to watch you pretend this isn’t real
[08:00.923] You’re such a jerk! I love you, Ted, but you’re such a jerk!
[08:05.549] Why do you do this to me, Ted?
[08:07.816] Why are you doing this to us?
[08:09.997] You’re taking this beautiful thing that we have and… and you’re destroying it
[08:15.396] And that hurts, Ted. It hurts. It makes me sick to my stomach
[08:24.208] Oh, God. I think I have to puke
[08:33.457] Excuse me…
[08:35.625] I think that was Mexican
[08:38.870] Oh… oh, God, you’re evil
[08:45.038] Oh… shake it off, shake it off, shake it off, shake it off…
[08:50.601] Euhhhhhh
[08:51.967] Euhhhhhh
[08:55.388] I think I need to exercise, get this out of my system
[09:05.107] Oh yeah
[09:07.305] Okay
[09:12.352] I’m good
[09:24.004] Ted, I hate you
[09:28.119] You hurt me, Ted
[09:29.671] You… you took so much from me. You stole my pride
[09:33.353] You stole my dignity. You stole my innocence
[09:36.031] You… you stole my heart
[09:38.633] You stole my umbrella. Yeah, I know you took it, you jerk
[09:42.762] I had it, and now it’s gone. Where is it, Ted? Why don’t you bring it back?
[09:49.356] Wait… nevermind. Sorry, I found it. It was under my bed
[09:55.069] Mystery solved!
[09:57.083] But it still doesn’t change the fact that you’re a jerk, Ted and
[10:00.797] I’m going to kill you, Yeah, I’m going to kill you, jerk
[10:06.137] I’m going to kill you, Ted. I’m going to kill you, oh yeah
[10:15.048] I’m going to kill you
[10:18.842] Die, die… die, die, die
[10:24.610] Die, go away
[10:26.392] Wait, come back
[10:28.570] No, die, die. How do you want to die?
[10:45.269] You can't hide
[10:47.991] I've found you
[10:50.951] Ted, Can you please call me? I love you, I love you, I love you. Call me soon. Miss you!
[10:58.114] I heart you. 1-4-3. I love you
[11:05.447] I… I… I … I l-l-l-l-l-l-love you
[11:12.287] I love you, I love you so bad
[11:17.301] I love you, Ted Mosby, I love you, I love you
[11:22.468] I love you, with all of my heart, oh yeah, oh yeah-ah-ah
[11:30.539] I love you, I love you, I love the way you look at me, too
[11:37.640] I do, I love you
[11:43.225] I… I… I… I… I… I… hate you
[11:50.703] I hate you, I hate you so bad, I hate you, I hate the way you look at me
[11:57.272] It’s so sad. So sad, so so so so so so bad. It makes me ma-a-a-a-a-ad
[12:08.486] It makes it bad, it makes it so bad
[12:12.647] I love you, love you
[12:15.662] I lo-o-o-o-o-o-ve you
[12:21.154] I love you, my baby, my sweet
[12:34.572] Ooh, ooh, ooh
[12:39.283] I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I ha-a-a-a-a-a-te you
[12:46.540] I hate you, I hate everything about you, I hate you
[12:52.870] I hate everything about you, I do
[12:58.121] And I will make sure that you di-i-i-i-i-ie
[13:08.211] You.. you will… you will die
[13:14.171] I know the truth about you, Ted Mosby
[13:16.916] You look, and telk, and act like a real human being, but I know what you really are
[13:22.332] You’re a Cylon, and your only goal is total annihilation of the entire human race
[13:29.232] I talked to my best friend, Dr. Baltar, and he told me, so don’t tell me that you love me
[13:35.528] Don’t tell me that you have feelings, you can’t have feelings
[13:38.182] You’re a frakkin toaster!
[13:41.248] I love you
[13:42.541] I hate you
[13:43.773] I love you
[13:44.860] I HATE YOU!
[13:46.201] I love you
[13:47.563] I HATE YOU!!!
[13:48.925] I love you
[13:50.552] Hate you!
[13:51.823] Lo-o-o-o-ve you
[13:55.679] I hate you
[13:57.044] I love you
[13:58.330] I ha-a-a-a-a-a-te you
[14:02.395] I hate you and hope that you break down and die, die, di-i-ie
[14:09.938] And if you don’t, I’ll kill you, I will, I really will…
[14:15.646] It won’t be the first time, I’ve done it before. Oh yeah, but that’s another song
[14:22.640] (That’s another song)
[14:23.427] Oh yeah, that’s another song
[14:25.153] (That’s another song)
[14:26.091] I’ll tell you about that next time
[14:28.503] (oooh)
[14:29.593] Yeah
[14:30.783] (Oooh, that’s another song)
[14:52.741] By the way, Ted
[14:55.358] my parents are coming in to town next week
[14:57.243] and it would be great if you could come and have dinner with us
[15:00.122] I know that you and I are going through a little bit of a rough patch
[15:02.458] but I want them to see that I’m doing fine here in New York
[15:05.792] and that you DO exist
[15:08.199] and that I don’t need to that stupid hospital in St. Louiswhere
[15:11.454] the guys in the white jackets are trying to kill me
[15:14.358] They feed me these, spiders, Ted — these, these, these poisonous spiders
[15:18.443] and also, I just really want you to meet my mom, because she’s heard so much about you
[15:23.562] and she wants to thank you for the sweater you got her for Christmas
[15:27.253] I picked it out and wrapped it for you, sweetie
[15:29.024] so don’t worry about it, just nod and play along
[15:32.052] and do NOT let them give me any kind of pill or medicine
[15:36.887] because that’s how it all went down last time
[15:39.885] I don’t need medicine, I AM the medicine
[15:42.716] God put me here to tell you that you can’t do this to people, Ted Mosby
[15:47.763] You can’t walk through life thinking your actions have no repercussions!
[15:52.501] All actions have consequences
[15:54.450] no matter how quietly they reverberate through the universe
[15:58.038] You can flap your butterfly wings
[15:59.867] Ted Mosby, and pretend there’s no storm in China
[16:02.913] but I say unto you that there is a storm
[16:06.013] and it’s a hurricane, and it’s growing
[16:08.403] and it’s building in size and scope, and soon it will be at your door
[16:12.648] And when it comes no one will be saved
[16:15.316] The blood of the innocents will stain the street like that of the wicked
[16:18.836] The cross shall be a sword
[16:21.074] The seven lions shall be unleashed
[16:23.232] The brimstone will fall on the land
[16:25.391] And lo, the angels shall gnash their fiery teeth...
[16:28.579] eternal reckoning and unholy consummation…
[16:32.812] stripped and left naked lying among the wastes…
[16:35.246] ten years of darkness, Ted Mosby!
[16:40.145] I hate you, I hate you!
[16:42.539] You filthy rotten bastard, I hope you die!
[16:46.388] You die! You make me sick
[16:52.019] Why won’t you just leave me alone and die… die…
[16:58.935] oh hang on a second…
[17:00.389] Hello? What? I’m not making any noise
[17:05.242] No, that’s not me. No, it’s NOT me. You clearly DON’T know my voice…
[17:12.567] I don’t know, I’ve never even heard of the guy…
[17:17.023] look, I’ve got better things to do than sit around and
[17:19.378] write songs about some guy named Ted Mosby, okay?
[17:23.630] I’ve got to go
[17:33.071] Uh, Ted, I got to go
[17:34.734] But in closing, I hate you, I want you to die
[17:40.264] and when you die, i hope you go to hell
[17:43.426] and when you get there, I hope the devil turns you on a spit over a hot flame for eternity
[17:54.550] Oh, uh, one more thing
[17:59.022] that night, you got me pregnant
[18:03.632] Congratulations, you’re a dad! Okay….
[18:17.056] and I'm a mom
[18:25.631] Okay, I’m kidding
[18:27.735] But wouldn’t it be cool if we had kids?
[18:31.408] Think about it
[19:25.119] I HATE YOU!!!!