Dreaming Or Sinking - Hotel Books.mp3

[00:23.60]I tried looking into her eyes to make sense of my own life,
[00:27.04]But found senseless realisations, I was reckless and she was justification;
[00:31.52]A vacation from the monotony I lived in.
[00:34.40]And avoiding risk felt nice until I realized, I was avoiding purpose.
[00:39.28]And it’s all new but I love her,
[00:40.83]At least I think because I don’t want to live so empty.
[00:45.41]And I have this tendency to complicate things better than I break things and she was somehow caught in the in between.
[00:51.64]And forever means forever and that’s what it will always mean.
[00:54.53]And life is a reality except for when it’s a dream.
[00:57.46]And those are the moments that I can’t seem to think,
[01:00.10]But I make sense of my mess by making sense of her and me.
[01:03.43]And this fear keeps me alive,
[01:05.28]This fear of knowing that she could leave me.
[01:08.06]And I could try.
[01:10.00]But this fear fuels the flames,
[01:11.75]That’s why I feel like I’m going to die.
[01:14.23]Cause she kept a part of me close by and I liked it the best I can.
[01:18.61]And now that I know who I used to be it’s hard to be happy with who I am.
[01:22.35]And that’s where she came in.
[01:24.15]A half-baked smile and a love to pretend,
[01:26.54]But prior to then, love was nothing more to me than a vacation,
[01:30.27]A vacant motivation,
[01:31.07]To avoid the means it takes to reach any real end.
[01:34.65]A sense of salvation,
[01:36.29]But also an element of bitter hope,
[01:37.93]To cope with the rope that was tied around my neck.
[01:42.61]And the saviour I hoped for was chased away,
[01:45.00]Way back then,
[01:45.85]When I found vices to take the place of all the things I wanted to be.
[01:51.08]And I lost sight of me,
[01:52.72]But I was told I could be anybody.
[01:54.47]And I thought I could find purpose in loving someone who looks like me
[01:58.80]And I began dreaming or sinking,
[02:00.49]Most nights they meant the same thing.
[02:02.03]And when that salvation finally found me,
[02:04.93]]It was traded away for thirty pieces of silver.
[02:07.12]Seems like that’s not too much I guess but I sold my saviour for a whole lot less.
[02:10.95]My two best friends,
[02:12.64]Acceptance and a mirage of fake happiness.
[02:15.43]And now the words I use to cling to as my refuge,
[02:18.41]Now torture me in my head.
[02:20.05]Forgive them father they know not what they do,
[02:22.24]It’s funny cause it seems like I did every time I lied to you.
[02:26.32]And that’s my only truth,
[02:28.41]That I can’t sleep at night
[02:29.65]And I can’t get these things right,
[02:31.25]And salvation escaped when she came into view.
[02:34.13]And now I’m hoping my whole life isn’t mistaken as you,
[02:37.86]But there’s no way of knowing,
[02:39.71]When all I’m doing is coping.
[02:42.49]With my own pride.
[02:46.28]And my past would fight with me hoping I would find truth,
[02:49.52]But it’s never a good idea to start a fight with a man who has nothing to lose,
[02:55.24]And I’m empty.
[02:56.98]My heart is caving in.
[03:00.62]And for whatever reason,
[03:03.80]I finally let somebody in.
[03:07.44]And I don’t know what love is.
[03:09.43]But I’m growing.