Benoit Blanc vs Hercule Poirot - Freshy Kanal/The Stupendium.mp3

[00:00.000] 作词 : Dustin Pfaff
[00:00.000] 作曲 : Dustin Pfaff
[00:00.000]RAP BATTLE
[00:04.376]Benoit Blanc vs Hercule Poirot
[00:05.797]Hercule Poirot：
[00:12.261]Mon dieu…
[00:12.661]This poor man’s been attacked
[00:13.818]Don’t panic though，have some confidence
[00:15.735]Murders on the tracks are exactly what I am strongest in
[00:18.759]Ah，Monsieur Blanc is it？
[00:20.494]You’re…How you say？
[00:21.315]INCOMPETENT！
[00:22.222]Something here is afoot
[00:23.241]So watch me once again go stomp on
[00:24.954]SHHHH！
[00:25.537]You’re too bothered with these long metaphors that you use to accomplish and prove nothing
[00:28.408]Rule out people then you deduce from it
[00:30.127]So what do you do that a game of Clue couldn’t？
[00:31.449]Took a genre so crucially truthful and churned out regurgitative spoof vomit
[00:34.289]If you’re wondering who Blanc is
[00:36.530]He’s stood accused of reducing a whodunit to a who’s dumbest
[00:38.301]Ah！The Best detective’s not likely double-o-seven herbs and spices
[00:41.773]The only sense he’s left is of dress and that’s cause Inspector called a new stylist
[00:44.782]I detect every tiny detail cause my mind magnifies it
[00:46.202]Yet what I’ll never find is Benoit Blanc on any invite list
[00:50.714]You’re an imposter
[00:51.658]in hot water
[00:52.430]like Among Us
[00:53.329]in the bathtub
[00:54.088]So full os crap，cut that bumpkin accent you yap with because that act’s up
[00:57.131]Contrive your way into my brain with writing help from Rain？
[01:00.160]Mon ami，there’s only one grey cell
[01:02.309]I’ll let you see inside of…
[01:03.373]Benoit Blanc：
[01:03.764]This case is like an egg
[01:05.172]What I mean is you can’t stand it
[01:06.622]That’s alright
[01:07.574]Enter Benoit Blanc
[01:08.967]He’s here to crack it
[01:10.147]Can I ask that you retract all your dull points like a fake knife？
[01:13.153]That mustache mask alone’s covering up a crime
[01:16.470]Your farfetched farming dreams will have to wait tight
[01:19.585]The only thing you’ve planted in the soil is your late wife
[01:23.120]It’s not a mystery，since seeing him be so wicked
[01:25.942]That dame Agatha Christie wish he’d never been written
[01:28.898]But please before you diss me consider the wind conditions
[01:32.102]Watch it blow up in your face literally wire you trippin？
[01:35.438]The collected evidence confirms this decorated veteran posessed the intent to disperse of this gentleman thus making this murder his second one
[01:42.089]You’ve certainly switched your profession up
[01:43.995]Now learn the taste of your own medicine
[01:45.168]Too bad I could’t have served hime it earlier and prevented his heart from letting up
[01:48.603]Columbo：
[01:48.859]Sorry to interrupt your skirmish，detectives
[01:50.272]I’m lieutenant columbo
[01:52.882]I’d like to ask a few questions
[01:55.011]I’ve never been the kinda man to act tough
[01:57.307]But don’t force my hands or show you howcatchem
[02:00.349]I know you smart types all have your methods but Blanc，it’s awful surpicious to find you next to that lifeless body arguing with it
[02:07.352]Poirot，you said you worked with cops but what I tryinv to figure out
[02:10.402]You spent all that time in Brussels never tried one of their sprouts？
[02:13.817]And I’m sorry for your loss wives can nag at ya for a while but even after the murder，you’re still living in denial？
[02:17.028]Mr.Blanc he inspired your act，right in fact
[02:19.415]I can tell cause a donut’s not the kinda hole some would describe you as
[02:27.088]Spent weeks abroad stressing your husband suspicious，isn’t it？
[02:30.177]You’ll be the first man to catch a case while social distancing
[02:33.393]That’ all…
[02:34.237]Boy，whoever did this must’ve been some posh snob
[02:36.385]Oh，just one more thing how much those watches cost？
[02:39.492]L：
[02:39.754]“Just one thing indeed，lieutenant
[02:41.419]I’ll have to stop you right there“
[02:42.840]“Don’t think you’re N’s successor just because you’re growing white hairs”
[02:46.481]How typical，it’s rich men who target as suspects
[02:49.403]But my suspicions of your guilt have grown beyond just one percent
[02:53.124]So yes，I’d hardly call you qualified for solving this man’s death
[02:56.297]The fake eye tells me your perception skills are far out of their depth
[02:59.433]In all of your episodes it’s the same stars you’re opposing
[03:02.294]Oh，this time Rob Culp’s the culprit？
[03:04.769]‘Fantastic job’，Sherlock HomeLESS
[03:08.636]You take what’s known rediscover
[03:08.931]Less Columbo，more columbus
[03:09.681]And that glass eye would spill glass tears before you ever cracked a Glass Onion
[03:12.258]Your entire charade is built on lies and folk tales
[03:14.764]That body seems like just another target Mr. Falk tailed
[03:18.271]Batman：
[03:18.567]“Not quite”
[03:19.426]“But since you play a chess match well”
[03:21.445]I am the Dark Knight
[03:22.637]And I’ve been FOLLOWING YOUR PATH，L
[03:24.892]We both were orphans
[03:26.182]But through the pain I forged my way with discipline
[03:28.564]Your mind was molded in a program made for gifted kids
[03:31.964]I don’t think your goal’s to save the innocent
[03:34.323]Prestige must be sugar-laced
[03:37.751]I know your brain’s addicted to it
[03:38.065]Your ego’s feasted well off Tokyo’s carcass
[03:40.580]The perfect foil to Kira because you’re heartless treating lives like they’re pawns
[03:44.062]Spending all of your time watching the light but make sure you mind the darkness
[03:47.662]Cotham’s Shinigami in the darkest corners of the city watching
[03:53.353]Preserving life and crashing any guilty party
[03:56.351]Riddle solving it comes with the job
[03:58.424]So hide as Hideki，L or Ryuzaki
[04:00.804]There’s no pseudonym that you’re adoping
[04:02.394]WHICH WILL STOP ME！
[04:03.455]All that effort to see light indicted
[04:05.090]Just to be written off by his sidekick’s sidekick
[04:09.332]The pieces point to you from all sides
[04:11.489]What will you do next？
[04:12.540]It’s checkmate，and you’re just like your heart with no moves left
[04:15.871]Shaggy Rogers：
[04:16.140]How many damaged fragile assholes does it take to crack a murder scene？
[04:19.256]Like，don’t lash out at Shaggy，man cuz it wasn’t me！
[04:21.676]Scoob：
[04:21.903]Batman！
[04:22.739]Shaggy Rogers：
[04:22.987]Scoob，we can’t rush to conclusions
[04:24.338]It’s important
[04:25.293]Last time someone took shots in the dark
[04:27.142]Bruce got orphaned
[04:28.559]Boy，wonder where would you get a sidekick
[04:29.984]If the elementary doesn’t let him back in
[04:31.653]Cuz I don’t think you’ll get away with
[04:33.233]Like，how you like to meddle with kids
[04:34.811]Been let up and tricked for 83 years and Gotham’s hope has not gotten closer
[04:38.167]No belt or bat wings and I’m better equipped give me one crossover
[04:40.643]I’ll drop the Joker
[04:41.401]Every quack in Arkham slides right past ya when you catch’em
[04:44.128]Like，I get the bat thing you’re blinder than Velma without her glasses
[04:47.716]He’s got a Shagworthy sized mansion
[04:49.806]Why are you never happy？
[04:51.247]Gang，unmask him！
[04:51.870]It’s Ben Affleck！
[04:52.553]Zoinks！And he’s method acting！
[04:54.232]1% percent and I trash your crummy villains in under minutes
[04:57.213]Like，who raised you to be such an idiot like the butler did it！
[05:00.266]Batman：
[05:00.560]Okay Rogers
[05:01.344]Solve the murder if you’re so damn smart
[05:03.395]Shaggy Rogers：
[05:03.651]Like，I’don’t know man
[05:04.830]I’m only here for the free sandwich bar～
[05:07.026]Sherlock Holmes：
[05:07.429]Pass me my pipe and my hat
[05:09.057]I got my eyes on the facts
[05:10.634]Stringing more notes than my violin has
[05:12.172]This case is finally CRACKED！
[05:13.855]Step on the street with the baker and I put that fire in my RAPS
[05:15.519]NOW THAT YOU’RE TALKING TO
[05:18.297]Sherlock Holmes
[05:18.834]THERE AIN’T A MIND WHO CAN MATCH
[05:20.266]No，you can’t handle the truth
[05:21.410]I’ve seen dead bodies that bring better value than you
[05:23.150]What do you actually do？
[05:24.600]No better than bait when your crew
[05:26.293]Leaves you battered and bruised
[05:27.359]Not a hard fact to deduce
[05:27.880]Gathering clues on some Baskerville hounds
[05:29.167]See a dog that can bite，tear a man to ground
[05:31.200]But the mutts laid before me are Shaggy and Scoob
[05:32.781]Hercule，I can see you ain’t aged well
[05:34.148]No evidence，Relying on your fake tells
[05:35.785]My sidekick’s a doctor
[05:36.844]Arthur Hastings still aint using his brain or his “grey cells”
[05:39.000]Searching for the murderer in cottages and quaint dwells
[05:40.424]Terminate a perpetrator ‘fore they ever raise hell
[05:42.117]Pray tell，you derail to distract from the pain when your wife derailed from the track
[05:45.352]Like
[05:46.025]Batman，all the tech that you got ain’t helping you more than one line of coke
[05:47.225]Under all of that stuff you’re down to the core a regular bloke
[05:52.138]Even L needs a force behind him
[05:53.670]I’m solving crimes on my own
[05:55.323]SO GO READ ABOUT IT GAIN MORE RENOWN WITH
[05:56.915]Dr. Watson：
[05:57.404]Every “death” that I “note”！
[05:58.364]Sherlock Holmes：
[05:58.757]Riding through on a horse drawn carriage
[06:00.029]Dr. Watson：
[06:00.283]Right past Frank，who got caught in a traffic
[06:01.753]Sherlock Holmes：
[06:02.279]Run down car，only banger he’s havin’
[06:03.219]Dr. Watson：
[06:03.530]He’s sorting clues，can’y sort his marriage
[06:04.982]Sherlock Holmes：
[06:05.288]Monsieur Blanc，here is advice I’m giving
[06:06.428]Stop the villain ‘fore the crimes committed
[06:06.707]Dr. Watson：
[06:07.706]Cuz every visit you find a victim
[06:08.183]Sherlock Holmes：
[06:09.891]Like you’ve been bribed by sly morticians
[06:11.394]Gathering the clues of the crime
[06:12.414]Dr. Watson：
[06:12.635]All you sleuths can’t decide
[06:13.348]Sherlock Holmes：
[06:13.595]On the culprit
[06:14.036]Dr. Watson：
[06:14.345]The weapon
[06:14.762]Sherlock Holmes：
[06:15.415]Or who’s in the right
[06:15.696]But by looking how the lace on his shoe has been tied
[06:16.036]Dr. Watson：
[06:17.097]And the stains of the juice on his thigh
[06:18.138]Sherlock Holmes：
[06:18.951]That he tumbled and fell，I assume with a fright
[06:19.444]Dr. Watson：
[06:19.949]But I see there’s no blood or a wound in my sight
[06:20.698]Sherlock Holmes：
[06:21.162]With the use of my light see the moves of his eye
[06:21.903]I can only conclude that this dude’s still ALIVE！
[06:30.331]（END）
[06:31.990]The Stupendium as Hercule Poirot
[06:33.570]Shwabadi as Benoit Blanc
[06:35.072]Gianni Matragrano as Columbo
[06:36.705]Snakebite126 as L
[06:38.325]Mr. Tibbs as Batman
[06:39.907]Zawesome as Shaggy Rogers
[06:41.371]Rustage as Sherlock Holmes
[06:48.075]littleflecks as Dr. Watson